Friends Who Heal
· Dr. Ted W. Pampeyan
The loyalty of a faithful friend becomes a glimpse of God's closeness during tough times, a reminder that we are not forgotten, abandoned, unneeded.
Friends who heal sooth the pain of loneliness. They may not understand the literal drama and tension of our immediate experience, but they are familiar with rejection and loss. They know the importance of dependability.
Friends who heal don't let the hurting one sit alone. They pause from their schedules to offer a place of comfort beside streams of compassion; alert to offer needed encouragement when we hit an emotional wall.
One healing friend, Don, knew his buddy was treading deep waters. So he took a moment to call just to say, "I'm praying for you, because I do know what you're going through. Give yourself time to recover, my friend. Sometimes it takes longer than we think it should. But you'll come out of this." Then each week at the same time Don left a short message on his friend's cell, ending with, "I'm all for you."
Friends who care believe our setbacks are temporary. But they don't expect the one overwhelmed with feelings of hopelessness to make a sudden turn-around and begin to live happily ever after. Nor do they need to tell their own life story. But they take to time to faithfully listen and bring healing to weary emotions.
Sometimes saying "I understand" isn't enough. Hurting people recognize when they're being patronized. One man, Ken, knew that, so over lunch he shared briefly with his friend how he understood. "I gave up on myself; I gave up on God. I went through a valley of depression that no one could help me out of. My mood swings were like an amusement park ride-but they weren't any fun. Then one day I just stabilized at a low point. And I stayed there. My only comfort was from a friend who wouldn't give up on me. He didn't abandon hope that God was doing something in me. That friend was my lifeline back to peace with Him. I'm just passing along the help I was given."
Pastors and their spouses know the feelings of rejection and loneliness. One pastor told how his friend, Albie, came alongside him. "I was trying to find my way through one of those dark nights of the soul. Albie walked into the office. No appointment, nothing. He 'kidnapped' me, loaded me into his truck and drove out to the open spaces. Then he reached into the back for a thermos of strong coffee. So we sat there and drank. He didn't try to preach at me or give advice. He only wanted to spend time with his friend, and that friend was me."
The pastor said, "I knew I could trust Albie. So I told him about all I was dealing with, and I let my emotions flow. After awhile I saw a twinkle in his eye and a faint smile on his face.
"'What is it? Why are you laughing?'
"'Oh,' he said, 'I was just thinking of the backlog of sermon illustrations you'll have.'
"I knew Albie wasn't trying for comic relief. Sure, he got me to laugh, and it felt great. But he did so from genuine compassion."
Friends who heal don't shower us with words of wisdom or handy hints for successful living. They are simply present when we need them. They offer a brighter perspective by their very closeness. In a way they're like cheer leaders. But they're also on the playing field beside us, reminding us we are not alone. They bring authentic comfort, proving that the Body of Christ is indeed representative of God's profoundly steadfast and compassionate love.
Photo Credit: Morgan Noguellou, Paris, France